Grab yourselves a cup of coffee . . .
Good morning everyone, I hope those of you in the states slept better than I did. I woke up at 4:00 AM CST. Anyways sleep problems aside, I feel great. I’ve been walking on a treadmill for 30 minutes every day for the last four days including today. Exercise is definitely important for both physical health and mental health. I can’t believe it took me this long to see it.
Regarding the YouTube channel . . .
At the time of writing we currently have twelve days till Christmas, so merry early Christmas everyone. Planning for further out, I’ve decided this will be my last post of 2023. Lets do a quick recap of all I’ve gotten done in the last year.
- I’ve gained a boatload of subscribers, up to a grand total of 126.
- I retired the lordgrass.com website after 8+ years and moved to the Vivaldi community platform.
Safe to say it’s been a somewhat productive year. Not as productive as I hoped it would be though, anyways I think its time for some updates regarding the what-if scene.
The What-if scene . . .
What-if Adrian who technically is my boss, as I administrate his discord server, has retired from the scene and mainly does short lore videos now. I have tried to encourage him to continue doing what-ifs, and was completely unsuccessful. On the other side of things Amagi has been doing amazing work with Naruto what-ifs. Pente-Patrol Star Wars has pumped good quality what-ifs out almost daily, and is 1.5k away from reaching 100k subscribers. The what-if scene is too large for any one person to see everything, so if I missed your favorite what-if you-tuber feel free to leave a comment. Anyways on to more personal matters, I never have talked about this online outside of short mentions on Discord, but last year my grandmother passed away. I think it would be good for me to talk about this a bit more than I have since I haven’t done so outside of short therapy sessions.
An update on my mental health . . .
The more time passes the more I think about my grandmother, she was one of if not the most important person in my life. I miss her. Back in 2018 or 2019 she was diagnosed with a form of cancer. Watching it ravage her body and mental state was the most painful part in all this to say the least. To be honest when writing this line, I finally felt the pain of this loss in it’s entirety. Beforehand I didn’t feel anything, even when I heard Grandma had passed away. I’m glad, I’m glad I am capable of feeling actual emotions. I didn’t cry at her funeral which at the time made me hate myself. This feeling in my chest though painful is reassuring. I don’t have to think I am a monster anymore. Thinking back, my best days as a child always occurred when I was at my grandmothers house. The most potent memory I have of her was the Christmas of 2010. That year she gave me a stuffed beaver which was based on a picture I had drawn. I still have the stuffed beaver to this day, as it is precious to me.
Near the end of her life and battle with cancer my grandmother contracted COVID-19, and that’s what ultimately killed her. She was 78.
Disclaimer . . .
The main reason I wrote about my grandmother was not to attract sympathy, I just needed to talk about how I felt after her passing. That being said, thank you for reading, this concludes todays post, have a nice day.
